Fat Man's Misery

While it was over six weeks ago that we canyoneered Fat Man’s Misery Canyon, it was memorable enough that it deserves a blog post. The combination of the hike, water, vertical obstacles, and winter conditions really made for a worthwhile adventure.

During a weeklong stay in St. George, Utah, one cannot help but take advantage of Southern Utah and Zion’s National Park, regardless of winter conditions. We had planned out to do Boundary Canyon located just outside the boundaries of Zion’s. Several miles from the canyon, however, the snow was too deep for the 4runner and we were forced to turn back. The hike would have been too long for the short winter day. Forlorn, we decided to bag Boundary and seek an alternative.

A couple of days later, we set out for Fat Man’s Misery. The best way to get to the starting point of the hike is to take a beautiful, but expensive, drive through Zion’s National Park. The fee paid to drive into Zion’s is good for a week. It would behoove those planning excursions to plan more than one over several days; this way the $25 park fee would not feel quite as expensive.

With the car parked to the side of the road, our crew set off. Although the snow was rather hard, we consistently fell through to mid-thigh high snow. While this slowed our progress, it made it all the more challenging and good. The first two miles followed a narrow North to South canyon which ends in a rather steep and nasty saddle. Once to the other side of the saddle, the snow diminished into a southern facing bench in front of rather impressive white cliffs. The bench leads into round rolling domes with scattered juniper and brush. The isolation and beauty of this area, especially during the winter, was great. I’m sure that during the summer it would be unbearably hot, considering how warm the sun was in December. Danielle, who never is too happy in the cold, became a little more cheery in the sun.

After the trek across the bench, we dropped over a particularly steep white dome and found our entrance to the canyon. Although rigged for a rope, it really only needs some scrambling or, as Myles did, jumping. Soon after, the narrows are filled with icy water. So after donning our wetsuits we plunged in. This, of course, happened after convincing Danielle that it was the only way out of the canyon. Although the wetsuits were warm, the water was extremely cold. If one could swim through the water fast enough to not allow the water to soak through to the skin, the wetsuit worked better. Danielle cried after swimming through her first puddle, became numb after several swims, and then could no longer feel how cold it was.

Several of the pools were iced over with a layer ranging between one to three inches. In these instances we let Myles go first breaking the ice with his elbow; we would then follow through the chunks of ice.

One stubborn pool in particular had Danielle stuck, it was a small keeper hole. The cold water caused her to panic. Myles came behind to help and was pushed under in the process. Myles stashed his camera in his wetsuit by his chest because he was tall and could keep it dry. But it was submerged in the keeper hole and no longer worked. He got the picture, however, which is what it is all about.

There were frequent vertical drops along the way, enough that we kept the rope handy the whole time. We had brought plenty of webbing to rig any anchors. But after digging around in the snow looking for an appropriate anchor, we always seemed to find the webbing from past groups. After dutiful inspection, we decided to use the old webbing. The drops in the canyon were all rather short enough that a 50 ft. rope would have worked fine instead of the 200 ft. we carried.

After a drop and a slide down a hole, we reached the wide Virgin River canyon. We followed this canyon into some interesting narrows. The rock, by this time, had turned black and the canyon deepened, causing a darker effect. Limited sunlight entered due to the late afternoon winter sun.

The last room, in particular, was quite interesting. Dark enough to use headlamps, the room had a large bridge above the room like a huge stone beam. The room was a large, round pool draining into a narrow which dropped down into a hot spring. Reeds were growing out of the stream. We lingered there and followed the stream into a river. The whole scene was too wet to get the camera out and take pictures, unfortunately.
The sun was lowering by now and our anxiety to leave was growing. The trail out led up a steep embankment through snow, which we climbed in our wetsuits. This steep climb was the most dangerous feat of the excursion. Once to the top, we stashed our wetsuits and hurried along.

We still had three miles in the hike when it was completely dark. “Do you think they’re any critters around?” Myles said as he strapped his 9 mm, he had packed the whole way, to his belt.

Although dark, we had kept our clothes in dry bags and were dry ourselves and warm. The stars, as we reached the top of the saddle, were incredibly numerous. That alone made the night hike worthwhile.

The rest of the hike was quick, and the rest of the night was spent in a hot tub. It was an incredible end to an incredible day.